It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.

So….. running.

Running is something I haven’t really been able to do since my near-DNF at Crathes half marathon mid-September.  I pulled out of Loch Ness marathon and ‘ran’ the 5k fun run instead.  Well, jogged 1.2 miles, felt a crippling pain in my knee, and walked pretty much the rest.  At one point a little girl spectating with her mother asked, “Mummy, why are there some people walking?”  She’s lucky to have avoided a drop-kick to the face.  Still, my nails looked fabulous and the medal was cute.


I have to admit half-wishing to witness someone falling and breaking their leg as I cheered on the marathon runners in the afternoon.  Fine, full-on wishing.  I know, I’m a terrible person.

I have also pulled out of Amsterdam marathon, much to my dismay.  In fact, I’m pulling the plug on my whole Amsterdam holiday, as I would just end up being a Debbie Downer and hating everyone who expressed even an iota of excitement about running the marathon.  So basically every one of the 30 or so people I am travelling with.

How I feel.  All day.  Every day.

How I feel. All day. Every day.

The silver lining is that my dad is coming over from Texas on Wednesday and staying for two weeks to help me with new flat stuff – painting, sanding, cleaning, moving….  It’ll be nice to not miss half of his visit because I’m off gallivanting in Europe, and it also means I can keep up my bike/swim/weights routine that I have been reduced to without running.

Stripping - the less exciting kind.

Stripping – the less exciting kind.

I have also already pulled out of the Glen Ogle 33 race at the start of November, but I’m clinging to the hope that I’ll be able to complete the Pisa marathon in December, if I ever find out what’s up with my knee and it heals itself.

I have ALSO rediscovered retail therapy:

What's up, Tiffany lamp?

What’s up, Tiffany lamp?

Basically, I feel sick with envy every time I walk past someone out for a run.  Every time I hear a song I listen to when running.  Every time I get one of those ‘How are you doing?’ texts from a running friend who is just trying to be supportive.  I’m like a spoiled brat who has been told she can’t ride her ponies (yes, plural, because this chick is insufferable right now).

Injury.  It sucks balls.

27 thoughts on “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.

  1. oh so cross. WordPress is RUBBISH if you want to send a comment. Looks like mine got lost in all the login/password resetting bollocks, when all I wanted to say was PISA!
    Just hold out for PISA. Take a break now. Plan to run the half with me and Renato and if you are fit enough for the whole marathon, all the better. I know there is no point in saying “be patient” but since I’m gambling your knee is too sore for you to swim across the North Atlantic and slap me one, I will say it anyway: be patient! If you rush it, you know it will just take longer.

    PISA PISA PISA PISA PISA. See you there!

    • Thank you, R. You’ll maybe realize why I wasn’t quick to reply with excitement to all the Pisa chat in the last couple of days! I’ll be there regardless, as I’m visiting family as well, but yes – here’s to running!

  2. Oof, having to pull out of races due to injury is awful. I feel for you! Fingers crossed you feel back to 100% soon! (Sweet medal, by the way) 🙂

  3. I’ve the greatest sympathy for you Rachel. Particularly the last paragraph. I’d like to say that 2 years into no running has made it easier. But the kill voices for all runners (that aren’t your closest friends) only get harder to shut up, the songs get deleted from your playlists for fear of turning hulk on expensive fruit branded gadgets and sadly, the sympathetic looks and smiles never fade. You are one of the broken and in the words of chemical romance are “not okay”. I only hope your soujourn is not nigh on permanent like mine.
    Yours bitterly
    With genuine acknowledgement of pain.

    • Here’s to 22 inch biceps and casual 5k swims by Christmas.

      Seriously, I feel guilty moaning about this when you’ve been trying to sort out your shitting foot for so long, but I guess I’ve grown too used to just bouncing back from things going wrong with my body.

      I am serious about the biceps. We could make a calendar. “Buff Bitches 2015”

      Think about it. x

  4. Dude, that sucks. So sorry to hear that things are hurting right now and keeping you from your beloved running circuit. That really sucks. I could offer you words of encouragement and say that “only through injuries and unwanted breaks can you truly appreciate the sport” but what good does that do now? You want to run dammit. So yeah, sulk a bit (or a lot!). And use that frustration to hammer out some quality rides and gym workouts. Keep up the energy and fitness so that by the time your rebellious knee gets it together, you’ll be able to escort a bib number over timing mats again.

    • Right?? And you’re hammering out double marathons like you’re going for a casual jog (I may be exaggerating for effect). Thanks for the approval of sulkiness. Hopefully it’ll be short – lived and I’ll be carb loading in Pisa instead of counting calories.

      • Au contraire, I had to drop out of the second marathon (to just a half) because of knee pains. I wanted to say I could commiserate, but I didn’t want to insult you because it’s not the same thing. Regardless, a speedy recovery to us both!

      • Ah, indeed! Forgive me for giving running related anything a wide berth recently! Knees are just the worst, huh? And yes, go go gadget healing vibes.

  5. It’s really shitty that you have pulled out of all your races, but it’s a very smart thing to do. Yes, it makes you miserable, but perhaps it’s a way to look at your training and mix things up a bit? So that you’re not always dealing with pains and injury and can keep racing to your heart’s content? And so you can train for and race your Ironman successfully.

    Btw, I love Tiffany lamps, we have one too. It has dragonflies on it 🙂

    • Ironman next year is a major goal, and I suppose this is allowing me to focus on the swim and bike elements. In fact, I cracked out a relatively relaxed 2k swim yesterday in 40 minutes, so pleased with how that’s coming along, especially after a (nearly) 50 mile cycle the day before. I should really be flexing my debit card on winter cycling kit because it was….. brisk!

      And yes, Tiffany lamps are beautiful, but not cheap. I was going to go for two lampshades for my hall lights until I clocked the price tag for one!

      • To be honest with you, Ironman is your big race next year and should be the soul focus of all your training – every other race is working towards it. If I’m not mistaken, that’ll be your longest day racing to date. You need to stay healthy for all the training and racing. Are you going to do any shorter distance triathlons in your training?

        And yes, Tiffany lamps have a hefty price tag. Thankfully, we bought ours from my friend’s husband’s antique shop, so we got a wee discount.

      • I’m planning a few cycles out to just beyond Banchory to Knockburn Loch for a few outdoor swims (once I get a wetsuit and it’s not freezing). The round trip on a bike is 40+ miles with the possibility of adding on. As I have managed to persuade one (so far) friend to sign up to the Ironman, at least I’ll have company! He came out on Sunday and we rode past it.

  6. Worst. party. ever. Maybe your knee would respond if you threatened it with a baton Tonya Harding-style… or maybe you could use a 3D printer to crank out a new one before Pisa! Whatever it takes, I hope your knee gets over itself and recovers very soon, so you can get back to running and accumulating medals and feeling peace and love and good happiness stuff.

    On the bright side, your new flat is going to look GREAT.

    • You’re right, my knee really does need to get over its diva-esque behaviour, and fast! And my new home is going to (once all of the seemingly endless work is over and done with and the place stops resembling a bomb site) be amazing. I hope.

      If progress is not obvious in the next 3 weeks, I’ll source a baton…

  7. Hey girl, that is one of the coolest 5K medals I’ve ever seen. And we don’t see many of those anymore.
    Keep up with RICE, stretching etc. Unless you are really broken, this will pass in time. It does suck, but what can you do? Think of all those muscles you can build in the mean time.

  8. Your luck ran out MS. You’ve done amazingly well to achieve what you have over the last year or two. Every runner knows what you are going through now. My two cents – don’t rush back and make things worse. You’re young and have a lifetime of running ahead of you. Jess Ennis has just had a year off and will probably be all the better for it. Anyway, every best wish and hope you have a great time with Dad.

    • Patience is not one of my best qualities, but I am listening to the physio and sticking to swimming just now. Not quite the same, but my shoulders are looking good.

  9. Man I feel for you, I am just done with walking on crutches after two months and I am so cranky. My injury still hurts, I’ve spent all my money on trying to make it better AND it’s summer in NZ so every asshole and their dog are our running along the Wellington waterfront. Join me in starting a blog about having massive arms from swimming, it’ll be an interwebs sensation!

    • I hear you on spending money like it’s going out of fashion – I might as well pay rent at the sports injury clinic the amount I’ve been there. I’m trying to view this as a chance for my body to fully recover from all the things I’ve put in through in the past few years, but I don’t know how much I believe the hype… Here’s to quick healing (and massive guns).

  10. Hi Rachel, I hope you are feeling better. I have just read your “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” post. I felt your sadness, despair? and “anger” throughout each and every word. You will bounce back to brighter running days soon I am sure, you deserve it. I sent you an email about running my first marathon (Loch Ness) you replied straight away. Thank you for all your tips and for being so kind and so funny. Take care and even though I do not know you, I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Geraldine

    • Hi – how was Loch Ness?! Have you forgotten the pain and signed up for another? 🙂

      Thanks for getting in touch – I have figured out what’s wrong, and it looks like another 4-6 weeks of building slowly up again, but another few weeks rest. I have been getting a lot of swimming done, since that’s all I’m allowed to do, really…. I am quietly hopeful for Pisa marathon in December.

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